Imagine that I write you an email. You know me but not that well, we meet on your consert and had a beer afterwards (that you paid). That was also two years ago and you haven’t heard from me since that.

Hello, hope everything is ok. I was just wondering a couple of things. I’m trying to become a musician and was wondering if it’s smart to start a song with a D-accord or is it better if it is an A? I read that many hits start with a D so maybe that is good.
Also, I struggle to write songs. Can you write a couple of good songs that I can put my name under? I don’t have any money but I would rather just give out music where it says my name. Can you also record them? I find it hard to record songs and I don’t have the time. I was thinking since you like music you can record them and then I just come in and sing the vocals, and the vocals have to be written so it suits my voice.

We are thinking to get gigs, but it’s really hard. I saw that your band had a couple, can you cancel it and then we can get them? The gear would be nice to borrow for those gigs. Can you drive them out for us and how much will they pay us to play there?
Regards.
New guitar hero.

Now you think that this stupid letter I would never get. I received three last week. It’s just that I have transformed the letter so it fits to a musician.

First one was asking for advice for a good distribution system, sending it to our distribution department asking for advice since his distribution didn’t take care of all the things. the funny part is that we do but we really don’t want such idiots in the system.

Another one was sending me the info sheet to claim a song. Thinking that I should fill it out for her because she didn’t understand or had the time.
In the next sentence, she asked for advice on a good  PR company, well I run a PR company so I should send the work to someone else?

The third one was asking for gigs. Tell me that he had seen that my bands got a lot of gigs so he wondered if he could get the emails to the places where my bands played.

And this is just last week.

I just wish there where a drivers license to give out music so we could get rid of the damn idiots. Sure I know they don’t mean to bother, but some thinking should go into it.

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